I thought I was over the hurry-up, crazy-busy phase of my life. After all, that was the whole point of leaving behind the bustling metropolis of Boston in the first place (well, one of them). When I arrived in Park City, Utah, I envisioned long bike rides and relaxing evenings with friends. I had dreams of leisurely mornings where I meditated and enjoyed my tea on the patio as the sun came up. My job would be rewarding yet stress-free and all of my problems would melt away in this beautiful mountain resort town. I would be a model of balance, calm and utmost kindness.
Not so much.
Turns out, I'm just as busy in Park City as I was in Boston or San Francisco. And finally, after months of doing too much, I surrendered to the exhaustion. Now, after 3 days of self-imposed reflection (okay, I had the flu), I recognize a few of the warning signs that led to my ultimate burnout. Are any of these red flags familiar to you?
Sign No. 1: Snapping at friends and family. I'm generally a lovely person. Really. I'm sweet and fun and full of energy. So when I find myself taking off the heads of my loved ones, I know I must be getting overwhelmed.
What to do: Look deeper and figure out what you really need. Then ask for it. Do you need some time to yourself? Do you need a hug and a sympathetic friend to vent to? Do you need help with carpool or grocery shopping? Go ahead - ask for what you need. I promise, you'll get a much better reaction than yelling at your loved ones for no reason.
Sign No. 2: Letting personal hobbies fall by the wayside. There are a few things that I know will make me feel calmer: meditating, writing in my journal, reading in a coffee shop, going for a walk. So why do I avoid these activities at all costs when I'm stressed out? Here are some of the reasons I tell myself: "I'm too busy for that silly stuff! I have real work to do!" Or "If I slow down for long, then I'll drop all of the little balls I've been juggling. I'll lose control and won't be able to stop the world from caving in." Or (more subconsciously) "What if I really am doing too much? What would I do about all of these commitments? I'll have to (gasp!) let other people down! Never! I'll just get out of bed an hour earlier every morning."
What to do: Enjoy some personal time every day. Force yourself to take a time-out, even if it's just for 20 minutes a day. Take the time to stop, breathe and connect with yourself. Just too busy, you say? Then write down all of your commitments, and cross the least important item off the list. Then plan on doing something for yourself in your new free time.
Sign No. 3: Running late. Okay, I'm not always the most punctual person on the planet. But when I'm really doing too much, I get even later. Five minutes late becomes an hour late. My friends get annoyed with me, and then I get resentful because, hey, at least I made it (don't they KNOW how precious my time is!?!). My life becomes one big rush, and I never feel like I have time to slow down.
What to do: Plan ahead and schedule extra time in your calendar. If you think it's going to take you 10 minutes to get to that meeting across town, plan on 30 minutes. If you're certain you'll be home by 6:00 PM, tell your family you'll be home at 6:30. Trick yourself into being on time until you can accurately assess how long your activities really take. This will help you avoid over-committing your time.
Sign No. 4: Channeling Debbie Downer. If you're a Saturday Night Live fan, you'll recognize this reference. When I'm doing too much, my mood darkens. All of a sudden, the wonderful things I used to appreciate about my life vanish, and I zero in on anything that could become a problem. I worry. Then I complain. A lot.
What to do: If you have an incredible urge to find the worst in every situation, you may be on the verge of burnout. Write down all of your complaints of the day. Go ahead, include that you'll never get that promotion because, clearly, you're too fat. And your best friend must be mad at you because she hasn't called in over three days. Just go for it and really get it out. Then take that list, and force yourself to turn every complaint into something positive. For example, "my job is boring and meaningless" would become "my job gives me the freedom to live in my beautiful home and support my three children, but I'm ready for a change."
Sign No. 5: Becoming a Control Freak. When I'm relaxed in life, I go with the flow. I adapt to different situations. I'm flexible. Even challenges seem like fun little games rather than issues to me. But when I'm doing too much, suddenly it's crucial that I get everything right. There is NO room for error. I become super-serious. I try to plan for every little speed bump that could possibly come up, because God knows if one little thing goes wrong, it'll blow the whole works.
What to do: Don't hold on so tight. Step back and realize that life isn't that serious. It's okay to screw up, or to turn in one project past the deadline, or even tell people "no." When you find yourself trying to micro-manage your life, you're holding on too tight. Stop trying to control everything, and tell yourself that you're only one person, you can only do so much, and life is meant to be enjoyed.
I'm reading a book right now called Slowing Down to the Speed of Life, by Richard Carlson (he also authored Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - and It's All Small Stuff). In his book, Carlson points out that we cannot change our external environment and expect our overall lifestyle to follow suit. External changes are superficial. They may appear to fix all of your problems on the surface, but ultimately you'll just revert back to your old ways in time (prime example: my ability to burnout in the middle of one of the most serene vacation spots on the planet). In order to make lasting changes, we have to change within first, and then watch our external experiences change as a result of that internal shift. It's not easy, but creating peace within ourselves is the only way to truly avoid burnout.
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